


Superstar (BtVS inspired)

by JWMelmoth



Series: Crack Fics and Lol Blaine [8]
Category: Glee
Genre: M/M, Not Blaine or Klaine Friendly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-28
Updated: 2014-04-28
Packaged: 2020-07-24 00:50:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20017555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JWMelmoth/pseuds/JWMelmoth
Summary: Loosely inspired by Buffy the Vampire Slayer ep 4x17 “Superstar”...Why DOES everyone like Blaine so much?





	Superstar (BtVS inspired)

**Author's Note:**

> [Import fic - First published on ff.net / Tumblr 2014.]
> 
> DISCLAIMER 2020: As the author of this work, I do NOT condone this work to be copied or otherwise made available outside Archive of Our Own. This work was written specifically for publication on AO3 and is not for profit. Any re-publication on for profit/monetised apps/sites is not authorised or supported by me.

“And then he completely ignored our mime instructor’s directions and kept talking to me,” Kurt finished angrily, stabbing the remains of his cheesecake with a fork. “Special permission from Madame Tibideaux to take advanced classes…who does that? He’s not that good. Something is going on.” He shovelled the last bite into his mouth as if it could wipe out the bad taste his words had left behind.  
  
Elliott watched him quietly, and when Kurt was done, pushed over his slab of cake to Kurt’s side of the table. He clearly needed it more. “Maybe his parents made a donation to NYADA’s funds,” he suggested.  
  
Kurt started to eat. “Mmm,” he hummed with his mouth full, then swallowed. “Could be, his parents are loaded. But it was like this at McKinley too. He always got what he wanted without any effort whatsoever! It’s just that it seems to have gotten worse since I moved to New York. Like…much worse.”  
  
“Or maybe, with some distance between you, you notice it more,” Elliott said gently.  
  
“Well, there’s no distance anymore _now,_ ” Kurt replied darkly. “Not with him taking all of my classes, living in my apartment and insisting on having every breakfast, lunch and dinner together!” He put his fork down, wet his finger, and started picking up crumbs from the plate.  
  
“And it’s not even just Madame Tibideaux,” he continued, licking his fingers, “Everyone around him just…bends to his will. Blaine _did_ something, and whether it’s blackmail or bribery or something else entirely, I will find out!”  
  
“Whatever it is, I’ll help you,” Elliott promised, then nodded at the empty plates. “Another round?”  
  
“God, yes.”  
  
*  
  
“Elliott, I have a theory,” Kurt announced on the phone.

“It could be bunnies?” Elliott replied in a sing-song voice.

“I… what?”

“Sorry, go on.” Kurt could hear him switch off his music on the other side of the line.

“A theory about Blaine. I think I know why he gets everything he wants-”  
  
“Oh, that. Because he’s just that talented?” Elliott asked, sounding sincere.  
  
“Huh?”  
  
“I finally get what you see in him, Kurt. I gotta be honest, when I saw his pictures on facebook I was like _‘really_ , Kurt? You can do better’ but he came by just now and, wow. The guy has talent!”  
  
“Blaine…came by your place?” Kurt asked hesitantly.  
  
“Yeah,” Elliott replied, “apparently he was worried about you and me, you know, so cute, right? I assured him that you love him all the way. You are so right for each other!”  
  
“Right,” Kurt said flatly.  
  
“And then we just hung out and jammed together, it was great! He’s such a great songwriter-singer. You are so lucky, Kurt.”  
  
“Et tu, Elliott?” Kurt sighed, and hung up the phone. He knew he couldn’t expect any help from his friend anymore now. He scrolled through his contacts and systematically crossed them all off the list until only one was left.  
  
*  
  
“Kurt!” Adam let out in surprise. He stood in his doorway in a smudged tshirt and surfer shorts. “I, uh… it’s laundry day,” he explained a little bashfully. “I wasn’t expecting-”

“Can I please come in?” Kurt asked. “I need your help. It’s about Blaine.”

Adam’s smile faded immediately and was replaced with a worried frown. “Of course, come in. Are you–? Did he hurt you?” His eyes glanced down Kurt’s body, taking in his appearance.

Kurt shook his head quickly. “No, no, it’s just-” he sighed. “I wouldn’t have come to you if I had anywhere else to go-”

Adam nodded stoically and lowered his head a little. Kurt realised what he had just implied.

“No! That’s not what I meant, I- I miss you, Adam. I just- it was one of the compromises I had to make. Blaine would stop texting Sebastian if I unfriended you on facebook-”

The hurt that flickered over Adam’s face told Kurt he wasn’t making it better. He sighed in frustration. “Just hear me out, okay, and afterwards, if you want to tell me to go to hell, that’s ok,” he pleaded.

“I wouldn’t do that,” Adam said quietly. He gestured at the couch. “What happened?”

Kurt swallowed. “Okay. This is gonna sound crazy, but…” He walked to the couch, put the basket of laundry that was perched on it down on the floor, and sat down. “I think Blaine is using some sort of spell on the people around him.”

Adam looked at him blankly. Kurt pulled up his shoulders in a helpless gesture.

“People love him. He gets away with anything. He could… he could kick a puppy and everyone would say the dog had it coming!” Kurt tried to explain.

Adam gave him another critical once-over to make sure this was not a metaphor. Kurt began to run a list of things that had happened and people who suddenly ended up on Blaine’s side.

“My dad, Santana - even _Sebastian_ supported the proposal! And now Madame Tibideaux thinks he’s the cat’s pajamas, and Elliott-”

“Kurt, _you_ were the one who accepted his proposal, you know,” Adam said carefully.

“I know! And the more I think about that, the less I understand it. I went to Lima to tell him about you… and I ended up engaged!”

“You were?” There was something in Adam’s eyes Kurt couldn’t quite decipher, so he continued his rant.

“Yeah, I remember telling him the cheating was unacceptable and then, the next thing I know I’m serenading him… It’s black magic, Adam!”

Adam smiled wistfully. “As much as I want to believe your renewed love for your ex-boyfriend was foul play, I think being back in Lima just made you remember the good times-”

“But we hardly _had_ any!” Kurt protested. “All we had were dreams, and a desirable facebook status! No, I was _done_ with him, and then something happened. He did something to change the way everyone felt about him. I mean, he has always gotten his way a lot, but ever since the proposal, it’s like the whole _world_ are his Pips!” He produced his phone. “I’ve been doing some googling,” he announced. “Here: summoning a success demon..”

“An actual _demon_? Are you serious?”

“It all fits, Adam. Here: Instant success at every endeavour, bending people’s wills, inducing infatuation-” Kurt gave Adam an apologetic look. “But demons never work for free. I think Blaine actually sold his soul to get me back.”

“Hey, had I known that was an option…” Adam said, smiling a little.

Kurt held his look for a moment and bit his lip. Then he quickly checked his phone again. “So, if this is really what he did, there has to be a way to break the spell, right?” He scrolled down. “Enchantment can only be attempted at full moons, ingredients…yada yada- ….Repeated exposure lessens the effects of the spell- Well, that explains why I am noticing what he’s doing now…I’ve grown immune.” He scrolled down and paused.

“What?” Adam asked.

“Warning: the success demon must take residence on the summoner’s person in order to successfully operate its magic, but it is an excellent mimesis. It usually manifests as an augmentation of the host’s physical traits; a surplus of body hair, fat, freckles, moles, warts-”

“Hold on,” Adam interrupted, “this demon can disguise itself as a _pimple_? How on earth are we gonna fight it? Do we need to squish all of Blaine’s blackheads?”

Kurt shook his head. “I think I already know what it is. It says augmentation… and, apart from his fashion choices which are growing more and more atrocious every day, the one thing that has increased exponentially is…his greasy hair. So what looks like an awful surplus of hairgel is actually…”

“A mind-controlling demon.”

“Yes. A very slimey one.”

“So how do we kill it?” Adam asked.

Kurt looked back to his phone. “It says here it must be fought the same way as the actual thing its mimicking. So basically Blaine would need a good shampoo job.”

“That’s it? It’s that simple?”

Kurt looks at Adam. “Not that simple. I have never known Blaine to voluntarily shampoo his hair.” He sighed. “He’s very finicky about that.”  
  
Adam nodded. “Well, we’ll need to trick him into doing it,” he said resolutely.

“We? Oh no, I’m not risking _you_ ,” Kurt said. “You’re the only one he hasn’t been able to brainwash yet! What if we fail? I couldn’t bear having you turn into a Blaine-zombie, Adam!” He shook his head. “I am just going to have to lure him out myself. Maybe I can talk him into taking a bath with me at the loft if he thinks we’ll have sex-”

“No,” Adam said quickly. “I don’t like that idea. How about the showers at NYADA? At least then I can be there to make sure you don’t actually have to…you know.”

Kurt sighed. “But the demon might get you.”

“Not if he doesn’t see me. He won’t know I’m there. I’ll just be there as your back-up. And for the amazing post-demon-defeaty sex.”

Kurt smirked. “We’ll see about that…But I would actually feel more comfortable with you around. Just.. be really careful, okay?”

“I will,” Adam promised. “I already lost you once. I am not going to lose you twice.”  
  
*

“Are you sure we won’t get caught?”

“Oh, come on, you know this has been on my bucketlist for ages. Let’s just be _adventurous and fun_ ,” Kurt teased, dragging Blaine along by the hand. As they reached the showers, Blaine looked at the stalls suspiciously.

“That one is locked,” he whispered.

“That one is _always_ locked,” Kurt replied, glancing at the stall where Adam was hiding. “It’s sort of a NYADA legend that it’s cursed, and they locked it so people didn’t keep flooding it to try and open the Chamber of Secrets or something.”  
  
Adam had told Kurt this would work as an excuse, but Kurt wasn’t really sure. Blaine didn’t read much. He decided to distract him, and started taking off his shirt. That worked. Blaine immediately followed suit, pulling off his vest and unlatching his bowtie. Kurt tried his best to keep from staring at Blaine’s hair, but every now and then he just had to. _A gel demon_. He repressed a shudder and started peeling off his jeans. He hoped he could get Blaine under the water before they actually had to do anything (the thought of having sex with someone who was harbouring a demon on his head was beyond horrifying).

“Come on, let’s get wet,” he said, his voice low and seductive.

Blaine hesitated. “I thought the thing on your bucketlist was sex in a public place?” He said. “I didn’t bring my styling products.”

“Well, yes, but another one is…uh- sex in the shower. And since we’re in the showers anyway, we could combine them?” Kurt tried. This was actually true, though he had crossed it off his bucketlist with Adam a long time ago. He ran a hand up his naked chest. “I always have shampoo and bodylotion in my bag for after dance class. You can use mine. You know I have the expensive stuff.”

Blaine briefly glanced at Kurt’s hair before roving his eyes hungrily over Kurt’s body. “Okay,” he murmured.

Kurt smiled and turned on one of the taps. A lukewarm spray fizzed out of the faucet. He took a deep breath and stepped under it. _Come on, come on_ , he thought furiously as he cast a glance over his shoulder at Blaine, _let’s get this over with._

Blaine had finally finished taking off all of his layers (with his vests and patterned dressshirts he was the opposite of Kurt nowadays, who had gotten rid of anything that added bulk to his well-honed physique and had taken to wearing thin, formfitting sweaters only) and he padded towards Kurt in his underwear.

“Ah, cold hands!” Kurt yelped, pulling away a little as Blaine put his hands on him, and almost succeeded in pulling Blaine under the jet as a loud crash and a curse came from the closed stall.

“What was that?” Blaine hissed, stepping away from the water and covering his arms over his chest. “Who’s there?”

With a beet-red face and one dripping foot, Adam stepped out of the stall and gave Kurt an apologetic look.

“What’s going on?” Blaine demanded.

“Threesome?” Adam suggested sheepishly, but Blaine was already edging closer to his clothes.

“Grab him, I’ll get the shampoo!” Kurt yelled, and they sprung into action. Adam caught a squealing Blaine in his large arms, easily picking him up from the floor and carrying him to the shower despite his struggling. Kurt quickly rummaged through his bag and pulled out the shampoo.

“I’m sorry,” Adam mumbled as Kurt came to join him, dodging Blaine’s elbows, “I was trying to look over the stall and I slipped.”

“That’ll teach you to play peeping Tom,” Kurt replied, sticking out his tongue at Adam.

“What are you doing? What is going on? Who is this guy?” Blaine peeped, giving Kurt a panicky look.

“Blaine, Adam- Adam, Blaine,” Kurt introduced them with a smirk. “And we’re getting rid of that nasty thing on your head. Now close your eyes, this isn’t NoTears.” He squirted a large amount of shampoo onto Blaine’s hair.

“What?! No! No, you can’t- AAAAAAAH!” Blaine yelled, whipping his head this way and that to try and shake off the soap, but Adam held him under the water relentlessly. Kurt was biting his lip. Blaine was looking at him with large, begging eyes and he was starting to feel like he should help him. _It’s the demon_ , he told himself firmly.

Then Kurt gasped. Something dark red and gooey was dripping from Blaine’s hair. It smelled like raspberry and bubbled like it was boiling. “Nooooooo!” Blaine whimpered. The more of his naturally springy, curled hair was appearing from under the syrupy mess, the less sorry Kurt felt for him. Soon, the last of the nasty stuff had disappeared into the drain and Adam looked at Kurt. Kurt nodded, and Adam let Blaine go. He wobbled on his legs and then sank to his knees.

“The game is up, Blaine,” Kurt said.

“I don’t understand,” Blaine whimpered, his wet hair dripping in his face, “everything was going so well…”

“For you. I can’t believe you’d make me marry you under the influence of.. _.that!_ " Kurt wrinkled his nose and nodded at the sink. "It’s like magical roofies!”

“I just… I love you,” Blaine replied. “I’d do anything…”

Kurt scoffed. “Next time, try _not_ cheating on the one you love. Might work better. Blue balls are better than wearing _a demon in your hair._ ”

Blaine didn’t reply. Kurt looked up at Adam. “I’m gonna get dressed. How does celebratory cheesecake sound?” he offered.

Adam smiled. “Is this before or after the amazing post-demon-defeaty sex?”


End file.
